Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock!!

The waiting game continues, but I'm doing ok with it. It may sound funny, but I'm SO scared to find out the results of the pg test, that I want to put it off as long as possible. I'm SO terrified that it'll be a negative test result that I'm willing to wait as long as possible. I dont want to know if it's negative. Of course I want to know if it is positive, but when I don't know, I still have hope that I can hold onto with every fiber in my body!!!! It's like I only want to know the results if we are indeed pg so we can celebrate like crazy, but the fear of negative test makes it ok to wait bc I still have hope. Hope is a good feeling!! Does that make any sense?

Progesterone Results...

Had a blood draw this morning before school to test my progesterone levels and they said it was at 47.4 which is "WONDERFUL"....man, do I love that word when it's matched with any lab results!! Don't know what that # means, but they seemed happy with it then so are we!! This has no effect on a + or - pg test, but helps if we are indeed pg. Progesterone helps build the lining of my uterus strong and sticky for any babies to grow and thrive and snuggle up in! I pray that there are 2 in there right now doing just that!! (kneeling on floor, pressing hands together) Of course we'd be happy with 1 too, but dont want to leave anybody out and get their feelings hurt! :)

The main reason why I'm happy they liked these results is because if they were too low, they might up the ante' on these shots to 2x per day and that would NOT be fun!! These shots are the worst of the bunch. This needle seems so long that I feel it should pop out the other side of my body when he puts it in!! I may be exxagerating just a tad, (ya think?) but that's what I visualize when I see it. I dont ever look at the needle, but I caught a accidental glimpse last night and it was shocking!

The progesterone is in oil so it's really thick and hard for David to push in! He said he gets A LOT of resistance when injecting it. EWWW!! He said it's comparable to pushing honey thru a syringe!! Hey, maybe that's why I'm so sweet!! ha ha....

I'll continue to get my progesterone checked until the day I get a call when they want to do the (drumroll please) PREGNANCY TEST! OH MY! They're not exactly sure when that'll be, but they'll let us know depending on how these tests go. We'll probably need to do it in Margate bc they have to use the same machines they've been using to measure my "Beta" to compare. OH DEAR! They said we can get results on the spot. DOUBLE OH DEAR!! I get butterflies just thinking about it!! Keep praying!! We're almost to the big test!! This is like the FCAT for Life!!! Probably another 2 weeks!! OH MY!!

Feeling Better Today...

We spoke to the nurse for a LOOONG time today about what happened to our potential snowbabies. They said only 20% of couples actually are able to freeze some embryos for future use which made us feel a little more in the "norm". They could survive if implanted in the uterus, but have difficulty surviving in the incubator and freezing process. They went over each embryo, its grade at every stage and their criteria for implantation and freezing. Looks like we had some close, but they wouldnt have survived the freezing or thawing process bc it's so strenous on those fragile embryos. She continued to stress that the level of embryos they implanted were the "best case scenario" and they could not have gotten a better score of 8.1 so that was reassuring. Feeling positive and happy, not so disappointed....still hopeful!! Keep praying!!!!!!! LOVE YOU!! XOXOXOXO

Roller Coaster Kids

No Snowbabies! :(

I just got the call from the nurse who said that our TEN EMBRYOS did not make it to day 5 which is when they freeze the strong ones. The uterus is a better place for them rather than the incubator so the 2 in me were very strong when they put them in so that's reassuring. David and I are STUNNED to say the least and very sad bc we wanted to do a 'frozen transfer' the next time (for future children or if this cycle doesnt work) which is less expensive and not as an intense process as what we just went through. We'll have to start all over next time at it. We don't fully understand it and are having a hard time wrapping our brain around it, but we're even more hopeful for a positive pg test in 2-3 weeks! Keep praying!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Pink or Blue?

Here's my outfit I wore for transfer day....I wanted to wear pink and blue so neither embie would feel left out!! ha ha

I'm home today and feeling great! No pain, no discomfort, no cramps.....just exhausted!! I can't sleep enough!! As soon as I wake up, I have the urge to go back to sleep!!!! We've had a hectic schedule the last few weeks driving back and forth to Margate so my body is trying to catch up from that plus all the "work" it has had done on it in the last few days needs some repair time. I just woke up (11:30) only cause the phone rang if you can believe it and I'm looking forward to eating a little lunch and going back to sleep!!! I slept nearly all day yesterday. I want my body to get as much rest as it's asking for!! Staying horizontal is the key!! Better to be safe than sorry!! Waiting to hear from the doc about how many of our embies survived to day 5 and will be frozen - they'll let us know today or tomorrow!! I hope a few survived in there!!

We keep talking to the twins and rubbing/kissing my belly like they're in there growing and living in there!!! I hope we dont find out we were talking to ourselves after this 2-3 week wait!!!!!! No matter what happens, we did all we could, it was incredibly bonding and it was an amazing process....one that we'll do again if need be!! WE LOVE YOU ALL for every prayer, every hope, every caring word, every card, every email, every ounce of love you give us!! The cards, emails, flowers will be saved forever and the feelings you've given us will be in our hearts forever!!!!!

PS Can't use my cell until friday for texts or talking - ugh! went over this month which I NEVER do....it was a unique month to say the least!!

2 PERFECT EMBRYOS!

Today was INCREDIBLE!!! They said our "embies" were doing great and thriving well in the incubator. They chose the strongest 2 which were rated perfect 8-cell - grade 1 embryos!! That's the best rating they could get! They passed their baby FCAT test with flying colors!! D and I were a little nervous, but so excited for the implantation. I took 2 valium and started to feel a little more relaxed than normal so it was time for the impregnation!! It was so beautiful as we watched on the ultrasound screen as they put the perfect embryos into my uterus!! I cried in amazement at the thought of life beginning and them feeling safe and secure as they will always feel! My bladder was full so it would shrink my uterus and "sandwich" the embryos in there and the wish is that they'll "implant" and stick to the wall where they grow and thrive. What a miracle!!

They'll grow the other 10 embies in the incubator for 2-3 days and let us know the report on their grades. They'll freeze the grade 1 &2 embies so hopefully we have some leftover for future children or if we have to do a frozen transfer which isnt as taxing and such a process. We'd skip all the steps so far and go straight to the transfer stage which is what we did today. Once they're frozen, they'll be called our "snowbabies" which is such a cute name!!



Now we wait the long 2-3 weeks for the pg test. oh dear! I wish I could take a 2-3 week nap to make it go by faster!! They told me to take it easy for 2-3 days and Im doing just that. David is waiting on me hand and foot bringing me anything and constantly checking on me and the babies!! It's so cute!!

Want to see the most beautiful sight ever? Here's a picture of one of our embies this morning!!! Their first portrait!!! Today was "best case scenario" and we're very happy and at peace with everything we've been through...no matter the outcome! This has been a miracle in the making bonding us to each other, as well as our friends and family in ways we didn't know possible......We know your prayers were heard! Thank you for caring and loving us with everything in you!! We love you dearly!!!!

TOMORROW IS TRANSFER DAY!!!!!!

OMG! I can't believe I'm even writing this, but tomorrow we will be technically pregnant!! They'll implanting 2 of our strongest embryos and I was told they're ALL doing great!! We'll get their grades tomorrow too. I thought it was today, but they want to watch them in the incubator for another 24 hours to see who emerges as the strongest two! They're all fighting so hard right now to win the prize of becoming our baby!! I just picture them all pushing and elbowing each other out for the top spot!! I just pray that one or both implant safely and securely. I'll tuck them into bed for the very first time and they'll be snuggled right where they belong....feeling safe and secure; just like we want them to always feel!!


The shots we're on now help to make it very sticky and suction-like in my uterus so that's a good thing!! We're probably going to go to mom's tonight so we dont have to drive there and back in one day which is very taxing. We might even stay over there to avoid the drive altogether. OMG! I can't believe how fast this is all happening! Let the prayer chain begin!!! Send sticky babydust our way please! Thanks for caring and loving us through this wild, but fun roller coaster!!

Big Shot Tonight!

From what I've heard from others who went thru IVF, tonight is the biggest and most painful shot!! We begin them tonight and do it each day at the same time until the pg test. If we're pg, then we have to do it for 12 more weeks! YIKES! I hope it's not as bad as what I've heard, but I'll keep you posted! I have 2 targets in my booty drawn with sharpie marker so Dr. D knows just where to dart!! I'll let you know how it goes!! He could poke me in the eye if it meant meeting Baby Hutcheson!! Thanks for caring about all the minute details of this process!!

Soccer Anyone?

WE HAVE TWELVE EMBRYOS!!! That's enough for a soccer team with a sub!!! 2 of my eggs were not mature so they didnt even try to fertilize them so all 12 eggs that were fertilized TOOK!!! They said our fertilization report was 100% successful!! This is best case scenario! Now we wait (heavy sigh) for the "embryo strength report" where they watch the embryos in the incubator to see how they do and give them each a grade of 1-4 tomorrow....1 is the strongest....they'll give us a full report as well as our transfer day on Friday....the waiting continues, but it's good news right now so we can take a breather and celebrate every victory along the way!! We've jumped so many hurdles already and we're so close to the finish line!! I feel like you're right there with us holding our hands!!! LOOK! .........................


There you are!!! ---->

Get Out Your Calculators...

Your favorite little hen worked hard today as I laid 14 eggs!!! FOURTEEN!!! Count em'!! I'm very happy with that #! Although, I'm really anxious to hear about their quality and how many fertilize bc that's what really matters, but IVF is a numbers game and obviously the more eggs you have the better chance you have that some will fertilize. We just need 2 to fertilize, but it'd be nice to have a few extra to sock some away for a rainy day for more children in the future or if we have to do this again. They'll call me tomorrow with the update and tell us our transfer day. It'll be 3-5 days from retrieval as they'll "cook and grow" in the incubator until then.

I was totally out, but D was able to "scrub in" so it was reassuring to have him in there too! He told me the play by play as I was going under. Before they got started, D said I was talking to the Dr about going to the Willie Nelson concert bc Willie was on the radio which I have no recollection of!! Bc I was talking, they upped the drugs in my IV and the rest is history! D said I was even snoring! What the ?? I don't snore!! David was dressed all in blue scrubs, face mask, blue surgical hat, and even blue booties!! He looked so cute! I felt like we were on our way to Kelle's house for a Halloween party!!

D said it was so cool as they put a long needle into each sac like follicle and drained it out hoping there was an egg inside of each sac. (not all sacs/follicles contain an egg). It'd drain into a test tube and they'd bring it to the embryologist by a pass-thru window. Then she'd study the contents and yell out a tallied # if there was an egg inside. D said he was so relieved when she'd yell out a number and when she said "ONE", then the dr. said, "YES! We're on the board!" ha ha He's a very funny guy!! Then the #'s kept going and going. They were coming in so fast that D would hear ONE pause, pause, pause FOUR, pause, pause, pause SEVEN, pause, pause, pause, NINE, pause, pause, pause ELEVEN, pause, pause THIRTEEN - FOURTEEN! They retrieved 14 eggs and will fertilize them tonight!! They said eight eggs is the average for my age so we almost doubled that!! YAA!! They said my quantity is "eggscellent", now we just wait for the quality report. We'll get a call tomorrow morning about the quality and quantity of any embryos created tonight!! The transfer will be 3-5 days from retrieval...I'm feeling very sore and crampy, but that's to be expected...they gave me some great painkillers so I'll be fine!;) Also, D is very catering to my every need so that makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over!! :+)

I went from nervous to downright scared as we got closer to the doctor, but knew how loved and supported we were and it helped to alleviate my fear!! I could feel your prayers, thoughts, and love in my heart and it gave me the strength I needed!! "Thank you" pales in comparison to how grateful I am for you being there for us! It helps and means more than you'll ever know!

I haven't eaten much, but I'm craving some donuts...maybe I'll have a few of these....

OH! LOOK AT THAT!???
There's "FOURTEEN" of them!! ha ha

Butterflies!!

This just in from the doc.........here's an Xray of my belly!! We're about to leave for the egg retrieval and I have butterflies bouncing around having a party in my belly!! I have an irrational fear that the IV will get hit out of me once it's in. Kinda like in the movie "Airplane" when the girl is playing her guitar so wildly that she hits the other girls IV out w/o knowing and she stops breathing....remember that scene? That was a traumatic scene for me bc I remember it 25 years later. I also worry they wont give me enuff of the sleep meds and I'll feel everything, but won't be able to say anything, bc I'm drugged up. Please pray for HIGH QUALITY EGGS!! That's the most important part of today!! Quantity is important, but quality is more!! It'd be nice to get both!! Thanks for caring and loving us thru all this!! You'll be in the room with us!!!!

Getting Nest Ready...

Wednesday is the big day for the egg retrieval!!!!! David has to give me a big shot of HCG (in the butt muscle-yikes!) tonight at 11:30pm and then my retrieval will be exactly 33-36 hours after that on Wednesday!! We have an appt on Wednesday at 9:30am. I will leave at 4:45am and go in tomorrow just for bloodwork in Margate and will race back to Naples to get in a 1/2 day of work. The HCG shot gives my eggies one last growth spurt and captures them at their current size for Wednesday.

Today my estrogen level is ....(drumroll please) 3,341!!! WOAH!! They like the levels to be between 2,000-3,000 going into retrieval so they're a bit concerned about hyperstimulation happening, but told me to drink LOTS of water and weigh myself daily for the next 2 weeks. If I gain more than 1-2 pounds per day, then to call them immediately. With high estrogen levels, the body wants to keep pumping fluids and energy into the ovaries even after the egg retrieval. They can enlarge and push against other organs or leak fluid into my body which is very dangerous!! If I have trouble breathing, I should go to the ER immediately!! They're going to watch me like a hawk for the next 2 weeks for that.

I have to go in tomorrow to Margate for one last monitoring. I have to go to Margate (vs Naples) bc they have to use the same machine they used over the weekend to compare my results. If I went in Naples, they are not comparing apples to apples. (crunch) I'll be out completely for the egg retrieval, but David will be in the room so that is reassuring. I told him to bring in a notepad to remember every single detail!!!! Maybe it'll be on Discovery Health Channel! Might as well, since everyone is so involved, you might as well all be in the room too! ha ha

After the egg retrieval, the monitoring shifts from me onto the God created embryos. This is when life begins!! I'll get a daily status report on their strength, how many survived, etc and that is when God takes over in the little dish. It's out of our hands and out of our bodies so nature and God will take its course. Then they'll implant 2 embryos 3-5 days after the egg retrieval on Wednesday!! 3-5 days! OMG!! This is all happening so fast! I love it!!

Because I'm gettin the HCG shot tonight which prepares me for the retrieval on Wednesday, I have Tuesday off from shots!! YAHOO!!! That'll be a nicely needed break from them. After the retrieval, we will do a shot or 2 of progesterone everyday until the pg test. Those are in the muscle and supposedly the culprit for the most painful of all shots because it's in oil and has trouble going in! YIKES! Not thinking about those right now. If I get pg, I'll be on those shots for 12 weeks! GULP!! Just taking one day at a time!

I"m feeling very excited about all of this; more excited than nervous! I know I don't have any control over any of this and that is a welcome feeling to have faith in a higher power and just a vehicle for His miracle; no matter how/when/where it happens, we will have a family someday!! Thanks for caring and loving us through all of this!!! Hope you're enjoying the ride as much as we are!!!

Baby Hutcheson, keep working hard to come to see us all! Everyone is praying and hoping you'll be here soon!!! I know it might seem kinda scary down here, but you will be enveloped in love by SO MANY!!!

Hutcheson Hen House

Here's a candid shot from the waiting room. It was Saturday morning at 9am and it was packed with a bunch of hens like us trying to get some good eggs out of our basket. We had more bloodwork and more wands poking around where the sun don't shine and the waiting game continues....my estrogen level is a whopping 2,620!!! Did you hear me? That is worth repeating....two thousand six hundred and twenty!!! The average woman ranges between 50-100!!!! If I were to do the math, that would mean my estrogen level is 26 TIMES the average woman. Who said I was average?

We drove to Margate early this morning and when I asked the nurse our chances of being back on Sunday morning for further tests, she said my chances were "BIG"!!! So we decided to stay at my mom's tonight since she is only 30 minutes away from the dr. A little side note about the dr's location is that it is 10 minutes from my mom's work and 5-10 minutes from the house I grew up in!!! I lived there during my formative years and I think it's ironic that the place we're trying to have a family is just so close!

Tomorrow we have a dr. appt at 7am (GULP!) and then we're driving 4 hours to Tampa to be on Extreme Makeover Home Edition for our 2-8 shift!! We are THEN driving 2 hours back to Naples....that is all in one day!! We hope it'll be worth it, but it's one of those things that we won't know until we experience it!! Since math is my favorite subject tonight, that is almost 7 hours of driving in FL in one day!! OH MY!!!

I'll probably go back to Margate on Monday morning for further monitoring. Usually, I can get that done in Naples, but I don't have an appt. and they are tough to get before 11am. I need an early appt, so they can STAT (that means "really fast" in medical terms) the results to Margate. I wont know if they have any openings in Naples until they open at 8, but Margate only does monitoring between 7-9 so I'd be S.O.L. if they didnt have an appointment. I hope all that just made sense. I'm a bit tired and my estrogen is 26 times the normal woman, so I can't be held responsible for my entries at this point!!!

A minor concern I have for tomorrow is that we have to take a big shot (in the muscle-yikes) 36 hours before the retrieval and if the retrieval is on Tuesday, the shot will take place 9pm tomorrow night. We won't know until after the test results come back from the monitoring tomorrow. The only problem with a 9pm shot is that we'll be on the road so I may have to ice in the car and pull over at a fancy gas station and shoot a moon to D bc that's where the shot has to be! Not sure how we'll work that all out, but we'll figure it out, laugh the entire time, and have a really good blog entry afterwards!!

This probably all sounds like a lot that we're going through, but we're actually having fun, we're together, we got to see the famiy unexpectedly today for some hugs and encouragement, we're making memories through all of this, and can't wait to make new memories with our baby chick(s)...

Retrieval-Monday or Tuesday!!!! OMG!

Quick update as I'm on the run: Had the appt today and they want us to do daily monitoring from now on until the egg retrieval. Unfortunately, that can't be done in Naples, bc nothing is open on the weekend. Fortunately, I wont have to miss any work driving back and forth which is a big concern for me. We're changing the drugs a bit preparing for the retrieval, but it's still a day by day process. From the results, they make the decision for the following day. We know we have to go over again tomorrow morning, but don't know after that. We'll probably drive back over (or stay the night with mom) Sunday morning for more tests to see how my eggies are growing. From that appt, we may drive to Tampa, then home the same day. Lots of driving, but we'll see. The doc guesses it'll be Monday or Tuesday for the retrieval, then the implantation will be 3-6 days after that!! Then it'll be ALL over and we wait 2 weeks for the pg test! Oh dear!! I'm feeling good! I'm taking day by day and not jumping forward!! It's a good lesson!! Thanks for caring!! GOOO GATORS!!!!!!!!! (chomping hands together)

PreOp Appt on Friday!

Geez Louise, these things run fast!! D and I are to continue the same shots until Friday morning and then we're going to Margate for bloodwork/ultrasound and a "PRE-OP APPOINTMENT" with the dr!!!! YIKES!!!! That means the egg retrieval is right around the corner!!! I'm guessing we'll change shots on Friday to something called "Ganirelix" (ure on that for a few days b4 retrieval) and be on that for a few days and have the egg retrieval on Sunday, Monday or Tuesday of next week. Just a guess!! Normal estrogen levels run about 50-100 and mine is at 978!!!!!!!!!!! OMG! OMG! I should be crying at a bug bite with those high levels!!!

Who Will Get the Trophy?

My ovaries are fighting for the first place trophy? My right ovary has 11 follicles and my left one has 9!! WOAH!! I feel like they're in competition with each other even though they take eggs from both sides. I picture them shouting to the other, "I've got spirit, yes i do, i've got spirit how about you" and they're chucking eggs back and forth to each other!! LOL I think there is one egg in each follicle so that is good news! WOW! That is almost 2 dozen eggs!!!! I could open a breakfast shop!! I think this is good, but have to wait for the doc's blessing. The less I know, the less I obsess about every dr. appt so that's a good thing. I'm REALLY trying to take it day by day and not stress about what each appt means and take dr's orders as they come. My only "fast forward" concern now is making it to the Extreme Makeover on Sunday, but it's just too early to tell. I'll post when I hear from the doc and what he wants us to do next. Thanks for caring!!!!

I had bloodwork done at 7am this morning and go for an ultrasound at 9:15. From those results, they will tell us what to do next. I'll post later today. If I had a crystal ball (hence the picture), I'd say that we'll continue these shots and have further monitoring on Friday. I have no idea, but that's what I guess. They're in total control of my body and taking my ovaries on a little roller coaster ride and I'm watching from afar! The shots are getting easier. David says he's doing the same way as day 1, but I dont believe him. They seem to be over sooner than in the beginning, but I can't imagine I'd have a lying doctor. Isn't that unethical? Could I sue? Maybe I could pay for IVF that way! ha ha.... so today I'm feeling good. feeling hopeful. feeling excited. feeling supported. feeling bonded with David. feeling peace. Feeling like we're doing everything in our power no matter the outcome. that is a good feeling.

Cartoon Update

Click on the cartoon Kelle drew in the previous entry and you can see the captions up close and personal - it's HILARIOUS!!!

Eggs are Growing!

Doc called and the meds are working! I have a 5-6 follicles growing in each ovary (eggs are inside the ovaries) and my estrogen is going up as well. This is good! The meds are doing what they need to be doing and they want us to keep up the same shot regimen and go in again Wednesday for blood test and ultrasound to see where to go next. This is what I expected. They want to stimulate my ovaries, but not overstimulate them which is dangerous; that is the reason for the constant monitoring. They're trying to take my ovaries to the place just before overstimulating and then go in for the eggs. We'll find out what is next on Wednesday - could be more of the same or the next step. This is all very exciting!! I love knowing what to expect; especially in the shot department; even if it's only for the next 2-3 days!!! The shots in the muscle scare me, but I'm sure we can handle it!! Thanks for caring!!!

Cartoon

Check out this cartoon Kelle drew for us...her talents are beyond my comprehension!! Double click on the cartoon to see it closer - the captions are absolutely HILARIOUS!!
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Shots are going well. They're getting easier for me as I know what to expect and David is like a lab scientist mixing and injecting with ease!! I had an ultrasound and bloodwork done today to see how my body is reacting to the meds. The doc should tell us what to do next by 4pm today - might be something different or more of the same.

David and I are anxious to see what the next week will look like bc we have plans to go to Tampa this weekend bc David will be working on the show, "Extreme Makeover-Home Edition"!!! His company is building the next dream house for a family in need!! See link for up to the details on the house they're working on...
http://www.wcicommunities.com/default.asp?pageID=comm_photo&siteID=201&vid=
They tore down the house yesterday (sunday) and promise to have it finished by THIS SUNDAY! WOAH!!! That's a lot of building!!!!!!!! He has the last shift is on the last day so we'll be there for the moment when we say, "DRIVER, MOVE THAT BUS!" I think it'll be inspiring and a neat experience! We're hoping IVF doesnt get in the way for Sunday...hopefully, we can do both!! :)

Dr. D is in!!

What a wild day! I've been up since 4am and I feel like I've lived 3 days in one!! We drove over to Margate at 4:45am for our 7am appointment to be surprised by my mom waiting for us with flowers (laced with pink/blue ribbon) in hand!! She is incredible!

The. appt went just how we wanted. My ovaries were "nice looking" and my bloodwork came back in the "normal" range. There's nothing more glorious than the word "normal" when a nurse calls you with results after having heard many "Your labs came back a little 'low'" or "your test showed some 'abnormal' findings", but nothing like that today! EVERYTHING WAS NORMAL!! (humming tune with "normal" in chorus repeatedly) So IVF is a GO!! We started today!!!!!!! We need to take TWO SHOTS A DAY! I was surprised by 2 shots a day, but "it is what it is" and we move forward!!

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The first shot was neat! I was feeling excited, as we were studying all the pamphlets in the boxed medicine, learning how to mix the vials of powder with the vials of liquid with a mixing needle, then transferring it into the injection needle syringe, making sure we were doing it just right with no air bubbles (those are bad in the shot world). We were cracking jokes, having fun, and making it into a comedy routine instead of very serious. I wanted D to be able to concentrate so I laid down to ice the area while waiting for David to prepare the first shot and as I laid there, I felt an incredible wave of love watching him studying every detail, tapping the syringe, scratching his head, rereading the manual, with a level of focus where you could hear a pin drop! I wanted to hide under the bed as I saw him walk towards me with the medicine filled syringe, but thought of Baby Hutcheson and the fear went away, replaced with love/courage for Baby Hutcheson overriding any negative feelings.

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The "puncture" that I was so worried about wasn't bad at all bc he pinched the fat on my tummy and I barely felt it. I could feel the liquid going into my body and that was uncomfortable, but it was short and over just as I felt it. I cried afterwards, not bc of the pain, but because of the happiness, excitement and renewed hope that I haven't felt in a long time in our quest for Baby Hutcheson. It felt good to actually do something productive in our quest instead of spinning our wheels with no results like the last 3 years!! It was hope. Fresh hope.

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I think we did the first shot a little high (according to the diagram) so we went a little lower with the second one to match the diagram and when he put the needle in it didnt hurt at all, but when the liquid medicine was being "plunged" into me it hurt quite a bit. It was over in 20 seconds, but I'm hoping it's bc I didnt ice as long this time and not bc of the location bc we were in the proper spot this time. Maybe I was feeling overconfident since the first shot went so well. We'll see tomorrow.

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We do the same shots 2x per day and I will get a checkup (ultrasound, blood test) on Monday in Naples and they will fax it immediately over to Dr. Maxson. Depending on how my body is reacting to the meds which they'll know from the results, I'll either continue on this same regimen or switch to the next meds in line. I have to wait and see what's next after Monday. No idea.

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Today was uplifting, scary, exciting, memorable, roller coastery, long, amazing, hopeful, inspiring, and so incredibly bonding. It was a great day. It felt like the start of something really incredible. I want to scream, "We're coming for you Baby Hutcheson.", but they already know upstairs.

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Thank you for caring for us!!

MEDS ARE HERE!

WOAH! It's getting more real everyday! The meds are here!! They came first thing this morning!! I was on fedex.com typing in the tracking number and as I was typing the #'s, up he pulled!! Seemed like a nice fed ex man running a usual route carrying 2 boxes and bringing them to the door like any other box and I wanted to scream at him...."DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE CARRYING RIGHT NOW? Why are you walking so fast! Slow down! Put them down slowly and carefully! You're carrying gold! You're carrying hope. You're carrying Baby Hutcheson!!" Instead I just opened the door politely and signed for the precious packages. I was a bit surprised at how many syringes were in my "starter pack"! There were about 100-150 of them!!!! Some were empty and some were prefilled syringes, but I'm pretty sure we'll use them all from all I've heard and may have to order more....am I going to turn into a pin cushion???? OMG! I'm so excited to learn more on Friday about our schedule and what to do in our new labaratory!!

Kelle's Dad

My friend Kelle's dad wrote me this email back in July of this year and I thought it was a beautiful story to share with you:

From Rik Cryderman:
You must know by now that Kelle and I share one heart so you need to know that you are in mine as well. I and all our family pray that your heart and arms someday are filled with the gift of a baby that will be blessed to call you Mom. Sustaining faith and hope while waiting can be a difficult thing. Hold on. Years ago, when, as Kelle might have told you, I "lost" my children for a little while, I prayed daily for them...that they would be safe, happy and protected from the wounds of all that was going on...and then, I would pray they would be in my life again. One day, I was reading a favorite passage of comfort in Isaiah 43...these were the words I would claim: "...Do not be afraid--I will save you. I have called you by name--you are mine. When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; you troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through fire, you will not be burned; the hard trials that come will not hurt you. For I am the Lord your God, the holy who saves you...you are precious to me and because I love you and give you honor. Do not be afraid--I am with you! But that day, God seemed to whisper, "Read on!" and I did...and the next words were honey to my heart: "...from the distant east and the farthest west, I will bring your children home...I will tell the north to let them go and the south not to hold them back..." And I wept and I believed and I rested in the promise. It wasn't I that needed to work for it, He was working for me, on my behalf. It was not long after that moment that there was a knock on my door and I opened it to see a young man standing there...I sadly did not recognize him in the dim of the evening and, seeing he had ridden a motorcycle, thought he was at the wrong house, until he said, "I'm your son." I am believing with you, agreeing in prayer, standing at hope's door with a cradle nearby. Feel my prayers and love for you...another daughter. Blessings, Kelly, and faithful hope! --Kelle's dad.

My Reply:
Reading your words was like food to my soul. Thank you for sharing such a personal story of how you felt waiting for your children. We have that in common and it helped to know your prayers were finally answered. When I hurt, I have my faith. That is the biggest source of strength through all of this. It's hard to make sense of it, but here's my theory. I feel honored. Really honored! I didn't feel this way overnight, but it's been an evolution of a feeling. May sound strange, but I feel honored that God feels David and I are strong enough to handle the challenges and roller coaster of infertility. I feel honored that He has blessed me with a strong rock in my life as David is to me. I feel honored that He has given me so many blessings in my life and now says, "I have given you 30 years teaching you love, blessings, gifts, character, hope, strength, courage, faith to prepare for this test" and I know we are making Him proud! Your words helped us through our ectopic in September of last year as I was just getting to know your incredible daughter, as she wrote this to me and I still keep it close to my heart:
From Kelle: My dad sent this to me to share with you....I cried when I read it! He has helped a lot of families going through the exact same thing. He wrote:
The one thing I hold tightly too when such heart rending sadness sweeps over is to realize this tiny spirit, in it's brief visit to this world, knew only love and warmth around it--and from there went into God's wondrous heaven and His tender arms. It never had to learn of war, or hatred, terrorists, or cruelty....only knowing love. Mother Theresa once said, "the heart stretched out by sorrow, God will later fill with joy." I can send to you a little booklet I made with scripture verses and a prayer for those who have lost a little one. Again, it is a tribute to her mother's heart that already, she loved her baby--that there is a place in her heart that will forever mark the baby's visit to this world...and someday, when she enters heaven, she will recognize the little voice that says, "Welcome home, mommy, come see where I have been!"

I know God is molding the healthiest, happiest baby alive and we'll wait patiently for His magic, feeling honored the entire way. Thank you for your words, your caring, your heart and for molding Kelle into the internally beautiful woman she is today! I reap the benefits of all your hard work!!
Lucky Lady
Kelle has probably shared this already, but if not, here's a short story about a couple going through something similar...may help some of your current or future couples
http://www.vocalicious.com/empty_arms/empty_arms_mod.html

Oprah!

Julie sent this email to Oprah on my birthday last year!! The support we received through all this has been humbling!!

October 17 (Kelly’s 32nd Birthday)

I met Kelly Hutcheson ten years ago when I first became a counselor at Naples Park Elementary. I always admired her pleasant smile and her positive attitude with her first grade class. She was not like any other teacher. She was magical! A known behavior problem soon became her star student. My son was fortunate to have her for his first grade teacher. He would often tell me “Mom, can you be more like Mrs. Hutcheson. She never yells.”

Two years ago Kelly was chosen to become a counselor at our school of near 1,000 students in beautiful Southwest Florida. Behind that smile and caring attitude for others, I was to learn that Kelly was carrying a huge burden. Once a month I would hear crying behind a closed door. Finally she was able to tell me that she and her husband have been trying to have a child for years. She has worked with an outstanding doctor, but no luck. One month we became excited as she found out she was pregnant. Weeks later, the cries were no longer quiet as she was told it was an ectopic pregnancy.
Ophrah, I’ve watch you work magic for many years, please send your angels to help Kelly somehow find the right help to get her a baby!!! She will make the best mother in the world!!

The New Year!!

Once we entered 2007, David and I both realized this was it and it was closer than ever!!! We both maxed out our health flexible spending accounts so unless we plan on getting plastic surgery, we have to spend all that money which we'll do w/o a problem...probably this week!!!!! YIKESY!! It's an exciting time filled with SO much hope and of course nervousness as a backdrop. We've been doing a lot of studying, reading about the injections, medications, techniques, watching videos, etc and it's a little overwhelming, but D keeps telling me that he has a good handle on it so that makes me feel better.

I stopped taking birth control yesterday. I'm anxious to get the first shot over with bc there's been so much buildup in my mind about it and I'm ready to get it over with!! I just can't picture David puncturing my skin with a needle!?!?! I trust him implicitly; I just can't envision it!! He's been such a steady source of comfort through this entire thing and I'd be lost without him. in the past, I've felt very guilty many times bc it's because of me that we are unable to have kids, but he always reassures me that it's "our problem" and thinks it's ridiculous to feel guilt...he usually says "it is what it is" and this is our "cross to bear" while other couples have other obstacles in their lives, this is ours. So much logic in that man!! hee hee :) I'm so glad this whole ordeal has brought us closer and doused cement into our bond, bc I've heard horror stories of the opposite happening in other couples going through infertility. I can see how it's possible w/o lots of communicating, understanding, support, and extra scoops of love from each other!!

Our holiday has been great so far!! Spending time with family and friends is so refreshing. Being with my neices and nephews watching Santa come to life is so exciting and gives us so much to look forward to!! They were all opening gifts from Santa while Elvis was singing "Silent Night" and I started tearing up at that moment in time because it is so beautiful to see Christmas through their eyes and I can't wait to make Christmas magical for Baby Hutcheson.

I've purposely not made myself super busy with endless errands, housework, etc so I can just relax and do only fun stuff and not "busy" stuff!!! I keep justifying it by knowing our January will be a little crazy so I'm trying to "sharpen my saw" to get ready for that. I'm actually very excited to get started with IVF...it's weird that I feel that way bc I thought I'd be overly stressed about it, but this is the most relaxed I've felt in a very long time bc the responsibility/weight of trying to have a baby is off our shoulders and now it's in the doctors hands and the big guy upstairs!! I know it's always been with God, but David and I always were charting, temping, counting days, timing everything just so, strategizing, etc and now we're not doing any of that so it's been a welcome break!! The "own-ness" is off of us and now we're following the doctor's orders to make our dreams come true!

The $3K worth of meds are in transit to our house in dry ice right now as we speak from TN!!! They will all be here by tomorrow!! I have no idea what to expect!! We're going to turn our bathroom and refrigerator into a short term pharmacy. I'll take pix of the meds and post when they arrive!! YIKES!!

So this is how I feel today....1/2/07....leading up to the shots that will start on 1/5 so I'll keep you posted how I feel after the shots begin bc that could be completely different!! A fear I have right now is that we get to the big appt on the 5th and the ultrasound/bloodwork shows something that halts/postpones the process. It happens sometimes so I just want everything to go as planned and get this "show on the road". We are ready for the big game! Put us in coach, we're ready to play!!!!!