More Waiting!!

This waiting is miserable for both of us, but we're trying to stay busy. It's a catch 22 bc we wanna know, but are scared to find out at the same time. This is the post I wrote last time we were in the dreaded wait time and it says it best so here you go...we feel the same way times 100 this time!!

The waiting game continues, but I'm doing ok with it. It may sound funny, but I'm SO scared to find out the results of the pg test, that I want to put it off as long as possible. I'm SO terrified that it'll be a negative test result that I'm willing to wait as long as possible. I dont want to know if it's negative. Of course I want to know if it is positive, but when I don't know, I still have hope that I can hold onto with every fiber in my body!!!! It's like I only want to know the results if we are indeed pg so we can celebrate like crazy, but the fear of negative test makes it ok to wait bc I still have hope. Hope is a good feeling!! Does that make any sense?

My mom sent me this quote and I love it and try to live it everyday! Some days are harder than others!!!!!

Quote for the week:
I'm not happy, I'm cheerful. There's a difference.
A happy person has no cares at all. A cheerful person
has cares but has learned how to deal with them.
BEVERLY SILLS
Opera Singer

Dream

Dreams have been vivid lately! More than usual! They say it's a side effect from the shots of progesterone at night. Well, I had a dream last night that David and I found out we were pregnant in the ultrasound room and my brother in law was in the room with us!! How funny is that?? Duane was there too!! I was laying on the table and David and his brother were hugging/high-fiving and crying as the ultrasound tech told us the news! I was laying on the table watching not even caring that no one was hugging me!! I was hugging myself!! It was surreal! First of all, you don't find out your pg in an ultrasound room. It's a blood test followed by a phone call, but I thought it was funny that Duane was in the room with us! He lives in South Carolina! I think it was symbolic of how much I want this pregnancy for David!! David loves his brother dearly! Of course, I pray and hope to be pregnant everyday and that's a no brainer, but the strength in wanting this for David is just as strong if not stronger. Just because of everything he's been through too and sometimes men can be the forgotten one when a couple goes through infertility. He's been through everything I've been through. Felt every bump. Felt every up and down. The only difference is my body is the vehicle we needed to use for this Sunday drive. And everything he's been for me has been the fuel for this ride. Being parents together is the best dream of all!!

Videos

These videos are unreal! Just when I think I'm "holding up" with all this waiting, I get hit smack in the face with one of these videos!! HOLY CAMOLY!!

Turn up your speakers!!

This says it well:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2wq06wSLFE

We hope our light is coming soon!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVPhzm4vdeM

Progesterone Results

I had a progesterone test today and my levels were "excellent" according to the nurse. 36.2 to be exact. I asked if this is any precursor to +/- pgcy and she said no, but if I am pg, then it means I have a nice thick sticky uterine lining for them to hold onto while growing. That's all I needed to hear!! :)


No symptoms either way and my mom said it best today when she said "time is stuck in cement" with waiting to find out. Still doing acupuncture assuming that I am pregnant as it helps to support the pregnancy. I am having trouble breathing as far as deep breaths. Breathing is shallow and when I go for a deep breath, it is difficult. Nurse said it could be mild hyperstimulation and to drink more water and eat lots of protein. I've been doing both so I'll continue to do the same. The clock that's in cement has not moved, but trying to stay busy while David and I ignore the ELEPHANT in the room of wanting to know so desperately, but with nothing we can do about it, but WAIT!!!!! Love you all!!

No Snowbabies! :(

Although I have expected it, I was more hopeful than I realized that we'd have some embryos leftover to freeze. I burst into tears when they told me. I wasn't expecting that. I know only 20% of couples are able to freeze embies, but I was hoping we'd be able to save a few. Nurse said our clinic has very high criteria for scoring the embies before freezing bc it's very tough to freeze then thaw those little embies. She reassured me that they put the very best 2 back in me and that is the safest place for them. All we can do now is hope and pray they make it!!!!

Feeling good lately. Taking it VERY easy, resting a lot and still on bedrest. I've never watched so much TV and read more in my life, but it's good for the babies cooking in me right now. Still doing the nightly shots of Progesterone in my booty muscle which dont feel so hot. This is the sticky stuff that helps the embies implant and grow so I'd do those shots 10 times a day if it helped!! I have bloodwork on Thursday to see that my body is absorbing it well and will continue same dosage if that is the case.

So now all of our money must be on our 8.1 and 12.1 embies!! Please pray hard that they are nestled right where they need to be, cozy and warm and growing like crazy!!

Terrific Transfer!!

Today could not have gone better! Tears were rolling both of our faces as they placed the embryos in. It was relatively painless, but it was such an emotional moment as we saw the whole thing on the monitor. The best part of today was finding out the grades of our embryos!!

Here's how the grading system works on day 3:
First Number = Number of Cells ranging between 6-8 (8 being the best)
Second Number = Grade which they want between 1-2 (1 being the best)

Last time we put in 2 perfect graded embryos at 8.1 and those were the only 2 out of 12 with those grades so we got really lucky. The others were good too, but not the "perfect graded embryo" of an 8.1. We hoped for another 2 embryos rated at 8.1, but thought it was a long shot since it's rare and we only had 2 last time which we were lucky enough to transfer resulting in a + pregnancy.

Well, are you ready for this? Butterflies were floating around as she went to get our "Embryo Report" and guess what? The first one was rated as an 8.1!! BINGO!! I felt like we hit the jackpot knowing at least one had a perfect rating until she told us the second one rated as a (drumroll please) 12.1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was off the freaking scale!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The scale goes to 8!!!! OFF THE CHARTS!! Our children are already gifted I just know it!! ha ha 12.1!?? I didnt even know that was possible! She said it's very rare and "that embie is going crazy in there" and was VERY HAPPY with both of them to say the least!!!!!

We have 8 more embies growing right now and hope to freeze some, but the criteria for freezing embies is very tough so we're not getting our hopes up like last time as only 20% have embies able to freeze. The freezing/thawing process is very tough on those little guys (and girls) so they have to have an extra high grade after being in the incubator for 5-6 days.

I had acupuncture before and after and that was awesome! David even came in the room for the post-transfer session just to see what it was like. Today was bonding, inspiring, peaceful, stress-free, happy, exciting, relaxing, and so so encouraging! No matter what happens, we know that we did everything we can, wouldnt do anything differently, and it's now out of our hands. I think God heard all you loud prayers begging and pleading for Baby Hutcheson(s). He sure did deliver today! Thank you for your love and caring support through all this.

Transfer Tomorrow!!

The time is here!! We were retrieved on 7/11/07 and will implant on 7/14/07! All lucky numbers if you ask me!! They didnt give me the grades today and I'm not sure why, but she kept saying "we'll go over all that tomorrow" when I asked. That kinda annoyed me bc I was looking so foward to it, but she kept insisting she'll tell us tomorrow at length. I was in the car when she called so it wasn't the best time to keep track of it all, but I still wanted to know how our 10 babies were doing!! Maybe the grades tomorrow are "truer" bc they'll have cooked for 3 days vs 2 days. I'm doing acupuncture before and after the transfer so I'm hoping that will make the difference this time!

Please pray extra hard tonight and tomorrow!! I don't know when I'll be able to post next bc I'll be on couch/bedrest and I dont think I'll be moving even if a hurricane hit our house!! I'll post as soon as I can, but not too soon to disturbe the babies. :) We love you all and couldn't do any of this w/o you! Wish us luck!!!

10 FERTILIZED!!

YAAAAA!! Just got the call from the embryologist and she said that 10 of the 12 fertilized! I told her we had 14 yesterday so shouldn't it be that 10 of the 14 fertilized? She said they didn't even try with the other 2 bc they weren't mature enough attempt. All I prayed for was double digits with the fert report and I got it!! I really didn't expect these results bc nurses were estimating I'd be lucky to get 6-7 eggs at retrieval! Then to get 14 retrieved and 10 fertilized is way beyond my expectations!!

They will know the strength and grades tomorrow after watching them in the incubator. Depending on their grades, we'll either transfer them on Saturday(Day 3) or on Monday (Day 5). We did "Day 3 Transfer" last time so I'm expecting the same this time around.

Nurse was very excited and happy for us saying this is a great # to work with going into the transfer! The best place for the embies in in the uterus so if I have 5 or more meeting certain criteria in the incubator, then they will transfer them on Day 5 confident that they'll survive until then. There are pros and cons to day 3 and day 5 transfers (no such thing as a day 4 transfer), but a decision not left up to us, but up to the embryologist! Thank goodness for that!

I'll post more when I hear when the transfer will be, but I'm just excited that 10 fertilized! I really can't believe it! I feel so hopeful that this'll work this time!! Thanks for caring and being excited with us!!

14 Eggies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was great! Very happy with the results! I'm so exhausted and feeling nauseous, but wanted to post asap before I go back to bed....I'll post more later, but here's the nuts and bolts...Here's part of a text I sent to my dad right after so it might read a little like slang/shorthand, but I'm too tired right now to think.

They got 14 eggs out of this pretty hen today!! lol.....I just wanted double digits today and really didnt expect it tho bc they got 14 eggs out of 15 follicles. I'm excited! I was expecting only 7-8 eggs this time from the percentage of last time. Last time they got 14 eggs out of 20 follicles! Then 12 of the 14 fertilized so I'd be VERY happy with 12 fertilizing tomorrow. We'll get a "fert report" tomorrow telling us how many fertilized. Please pray!!

Feel nauseous and tired but happy with the results. Don't remember feeling these symptoms last time. On pain meds now.

They almost sent me home wearing a catheter today bc i couldn't pee on my own after drinking tons of water!! Tons. What the? Took forever to pee even tho i had to go.

The anesthesiologist said he could tell I've never done drugs bc i didn't need much to put me out and took me longer than expected to wake up.

Just got home and cant wait to sleep the day away. We felt all the love and support while in the room going through all this. Feeling very hopeful!! Anxious for the "fert report" tomorrow - say lots of prayers! Love you all!!

Retrieval is Wednesday!!!!

We are retrieving the eggies on Wednesday! Doc said I have 5 mature eggs right now that are ready and 8-9 that will hopefully mature by Wednesday. They didnt want to run the risk of going another day on stimulation bc the 5 mature eggs could be lost in the process which would be bad.
I'll get a fertilization report on Thursday and they're guessing that we'll transfer the embryos on Saturday! OH MY FAST!! It's exciting how quickly the whole process is and so wonderful to do all these appointments during summer break! I have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow which is perfect timing! Then I'll have another acupuncture before and after the transfer on Saturday ....keep praying and loving us! Thank you for all you do!!

Nurse Jen

D and I came to east coast this weekend for some appointments and decided to stay with mom instead of driving back and forth. Jen happened to be over here too for the American Idol concert (which was INCREDIBLE) so I'm driving back with her tomorrow since David just went back to Naples for work tomorrow. That meant someone needed to give me the shot tomorrow morning before another appointment. Jen has been coached by Dr. David and he watched her give me one last night. It was pretty comical to have him preparing the shot and have a 'note-taking audience' of Katie, Mom, Jen, Molly, and Bob all watching on while I lay on the couch waiting for the pokage. Quite a scene!

Then Jen felt confident enough to try it on her own while David coached from the sidelines. She was so worried about resistance when the needle punctured my skin that she had a wild wind-up going in like she was stabbing me, but it didnt hurt and it went amazingly well!

Tomorrow we're going to have David on speaker phone and she's going to talk through all the steps as she's preparing the medicine. Injecting is not very confusing as it's pretty clear cut, but there are a few steps in mixing and preparing the shot that David will be "on call" if need be, but Jen is feeling more confident the more she psyches herself up for it! Jen even kissed me on the forehead like David does after every shot so it would be exactly the same experience! lol. I'm sure it'll go just fine!

My estrogen is 2403 so they lightened my dosage a bit, but I'm still stimulating and will probably have the retrieval on Wednesday or Thursday depending on how my body reacts to the new dosage. I still have around 15-16 eggs ready to be picked so hopefully they are strong and ready to unite in the petri dish!

I'll post more after our appointment tomorrow. Dr says we'll probably be there everyday for monitoring until the retrieval so I'll probably spend another night or 2 at mom's house, but have to go home tomorrow to get my car, which is currently in the shop! Woe is me!

I can't believe most of our appointments/procedures will be over in a week! Then, hopefully, we'll be just going to ultrasound appointments to see our baby on TV!! The whole process just seems to fly by!! Thanks for caring and loving us! I'm off to bed to warm my nest as I rest my eggies and make sure they get a good night sleep!!! :) :)

Appt Update

Drove to and fro Margate today and am exhausted, but happy that it went well. My estrogen is up to 960 and they said I have 15-16 eggs looking great and as they get bigger, the monitoring will become more frequent. Since my acupuncturist is out of town this week, I conveniently scheduled an appt in Margate to have an acupuncture session there. I wanted to meet the Dr. and see the lay of the land before plopping down $300 smackers on the transfer day. I was impressed with his knowledge and he sees a lot of patients from the IVF clinic so I like that he's familiar with it. He said the success rate jumps from 30% to 67% when doing acupuncture with IVF. That seemed a little higher than what I've read, but any increase is great! I've read it increases your chance by 12-15% and I say every bit helps!! Every patient has different success rates based on many factors so it's hard to make any blanket statements, but I've been told that my chances are a little higher bc of my age and that it's worked before...I keep holding on to that like it's a piece of gold in my hand!!

Our next appointment is on Sunday so we have to make the trip to Margate again bc nothing is open over here and I may stay over there for a few days with my sissies and mom as it's VERY close to the clinic. The only problem is the shot-giving. David will have to go back early for work so we're trying to think of who will give a shot or 2 since he won't be there. Molly said she might be able to do it if David can show her just how it's done. I only want her doing it if she feels comfortable with it so we'll see how it goes. I'm wiped out from the day I might just sit here and take a....

POWER NAP! ha ha :)

100th Post!!!

I just noticed in my blog settings that this is our 100th post on the Baby Hutcheson blog!! This must mean good luck right?? Just got off the phone with the nurse and she said my estrogen is at 262 and I have follicles progressing well. Good news!! They want me to continue doing the same shots and go to Margate on Friday for a pre-op appt at 10:30am. I can't do it in Naples bc I have to meet with a nurse. From there, they'll be able to tell me what to do next.

I had a battle with the lab again today. Maxson called me around 3pm saying they were still waiting for my blood results to be faxed over. That's a BIG GRRR when I hear that since I had my blood drawn STAT at 8am this morning. I called the lab and they couldn't find my results. That's a BIGGER GRRR when I hear that. After many calls trying to track down my blood results, I finally found a nice nurse who I tried to "kill with kindness" and she was on the case. The others that I tried to "kill with kindness" were very rude and defensive. As soon as they pick up the phone, I can hear the defense wall shoot up! I want to say, "Can you throw down the ladder so I can climb over the wall you've put up?" I'm going to get into rock climbing so I can climb up when this happens again! ha ha

The shots are going better. We called Maxson for advice and they said to make sure David plunges the medicine in slowly, make sure the alcohol on my skin is completely dry before puncturing needle into my skin, and massage the meds after the needle has been removed. It still stings towards the end of the shot, but not like before so those tips helped. The Lupron makes me a little weepy and gives me headaches (I NEVER get headaches-knock on wood[dont knock on my head}) and I can feel my ovaries moving and grooving! My entire body feels swollen and bloated; especially in my belly, which I like bc it means the meds are working! The meds are slightly different this round so I think that is the reason for the change in symptoms. Overall, I'm feeling great and hopeful! That's a great combination!!

Happy 100th blog entry and thanks for caring for us so much along the way during our journey to meet Baby Hutcheson!!

Video

WOW! I know the drugs I'm on are supposed to make me a little more emotional, but this song/video put me over the edge! I can barely see the monitor right now through the tears! Watch this with the speakers BLARING when you have some time alone! OMG! I'm a mess! I can't think of a song or video that says how we're feeling any better!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Shots, Shots, and More Shots!

Shots are going OK. For some reason, they sting A LOT more than last time! It feels as if someone is putting alcohol into a cut and it's not comfortable.
We're using a slightly different needle than last time bc that's what the pharmacy sent with them, but we're going to try the ones we used last time to see if that helps with the stinging. One is 25 1/2" while the other is 25 3/8". We'll try that tonight to see if I notice the difference.

We switched pharmacies bc this time around we shopped like dogs getting quotes from all the specialty pharmacies to get the lowest prices. We saved a couple hundred dollars this way so every penny counts!! There's only a few pharmacies who carry these drugs and they're all over the US so it's not like we go to Walgreens, CVS, Publix to pick these up.

Uh-oh, gotta go, the doctor just told me it's about time to ice up!! Gotta listen to the dr. or he gets real upset and can be pretty wild with those needles!! Living with the doctor can be stressful! I do everything in my power to be nice so I get the highest level of care. Sometimes it feels like I'm walking on....

eggshells! ha ha