Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Dr. Maxson

My doctor from Margate called me on his cell phone on his way home from work to console us about the news which was very nice! He said our miscarriage has nothing to do with IVF, but just natures way of saying the baby wasn't quite ready to enter the world. It happens in 10-15% of pg-cys at my age and we happened to get the short end of the stick this time!

From Dr. Thompson's notes (my dr in Naples), it looks like I have something called a "blighted ovum" which I'm not sure what it means, but I'm doing research right now to find out. I had a close friend have this so I'm going to inquire with her as well. Here's some more information about this although i'm not 100% sure this is what I have.
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/blightedovum.html

Dr. Maxson was calling from his car so he's going to look at Dr. Thompson's notes and my file and tell us what do next. He says if it is a blighted ovum, he recommends having a D&C to study the embryo for genetic abnormalities and see what went wrong and if there's anything to do to prevent it next time. Here's more info about the D&C procedure:
http://www.webmd.com/hw/womens_conditions/tw1469.asp



I keep crying, but the pain is still just as strong. I know time will help, but it's so unbearable to not be able to cry hard enough. Usually I feel better after a "good cry", but not in this case! I feel like I'm preparing for a funeral and the anticipation of it is just so unbearable. I'm wondering when my body will run out of tears! They just keep coming. I feel like my heart is outside my body bc it doesnt even feel like it's inside me right now - it's like it disappeared or something. I feel like a train ran us over and while it was doing it, it pulled out our hearts. As loved as we are, we know that people are feeling this just as strongly as we are and that hurts us too!

It is VERY difficult to "untell" everyone bc we know the pain is so strong and so many are rooting for us so please forgive us if you found out in a surprising way like a text, email, blog, etc bc it's just to painful to say out loud. I couldnt even call my sister and say the words. I know it'll get easier with time, but right now it feels very raw and brutal.

I'll post more tomorrow after Dr. Maxson calls me with the update. We'll probably have a D&C later this week or next; not sure if that'll be here or in Margate. Insurance should cover it, but may not if we go to Margate. Lots of questions and not a lot of answers.

With IVF costing around $15K, we're not sure which route to take next, but we'll probably take a lot of months off to grieve and recover from this before making any decisions as what to do next. It's too painful to "fast forward" what to do next bc we just don't know so please avoid the tempation to ask. We just don't know. It hurts too much to think about that when we can hardly wrap our brains around this. We know in the end, we will have a family, naturally or through adoption, but just not as soon as we had dreamed.

We will get through this and be ok...i know it! This will only strengthen our bond with each other and make us that better of parents. Just because we are hurting doesn't mean we've given up hope. We have each other. W/o that we'd both be lost! We have family helping us carry this burden. We have friends that love us like family. We have people in our life that make this all bearable. David and I have each other and for that I'm forever grateful! Baby Hutcheson will be VERY special and loved when he/she enters this world; no matter how or when it happens!

We love you and thank you for caring for us! Please keep praying!

5 comments:

Fannie31 said...

Kelly & David,
Words can not express enough how I feel for you and David! I am so glad you have each other, during this remarkably sad time! Right now, I am sure nothing makes sense...but I know how strong you and David are, and know that you have such an incredibly strong faith. Your faith, love and support of each other will get you through this. I will continue to keep praying for you, David, and baby Hutcheson! I love you guys!

Steph

Anonymous said...

Dear Kelly and David,
My heart aches for the pain you both are feeling. I'm so sorry you have to go through such an ordeal. Your baby must be pretty special for God to want it so soon. You will be blessed in this life. May the Lord give you and David peace and grace throughout the whole process. Hugs are just not enough. Janet

nyseem said...

Kelly and Dave,

You are loved by millions. You WILL have your family~ it's just meant to be. Stay strong!

I love you guys.
Nyseem

Joanna De Beers said...

Here comes another hug...SQUEEZE!!!!!!!!!
I love you!!!

Jessica said...

Kelly - My heart is breaking for you both right now...you are in my prayers more than ever now... You are such a strong woman and I know God will help you grieve. I know the pain you feel as I have been through this (as have you) and I am here for you anytime you need to talk. I love you!!! ~Jess