Waiting for the Next Appointment

I'm writing this blog for many reasons. First, is a selfish reason. I have a lot swirling around in my head and need to wrap my brain around it all and writing seems to help organize my thoughts and articulate what I'm feeling. I slept about 2.5 hours last night because I couldnt shut my mind off so I thought this may help purge some of my thoughts.

Another reason I wanted to do this is for Baby Hutcheson(s) which is the center of every thought, feeling, emotion, mood that I have! I want to document this journey for them so they know how much they are loved already!! I'm using the pronoun "them/they" bc we want more than one child and know the journey to 'them' won't be easy, but it'll happen one day. I walk around with them in my heart, head, and in every cell of my body. I feel like that's all I think about bc I love them so much already and just want to meet them. I know we'll be able to hold them one day and I want to share just how wanted and needed they are in our life!

I also want to help anyone who is going through something like this by documenting EVERY SINGLE step; even if it seems monotonous! I have so many questions swirling around in my head and it REALLY helped reading Justine's maze through infertilty with IVF....she is an online supporter who I don't know, but just stumbled onto her website which gave me the idea too. You can read her blog at: http://justinehark.blogspot.com/2006_10_01_justinehark_archive.html

I'm waiting until we go to our next appt. because it'll be an all day appt where they're going to go over everything in detail. Extreme detail! I wish we could go to dinner with the doc once a week so I could just pick his brain with all the questions, comments, concerns, fears I have about IVF. I wish we were friends. I have so much swirling around in my head that I want to get it out with the doctors and nurses. Once I get my period, we can schedule the appt, but we have to wait until then which should be today or tomorrow.

Here's where we stand and a little background about us if you don't know (I have no idea who I'm writing this to): We've been trying for 3+ years and married for 5 years. We tried to make sure everything was just right before we started trying like buying a bigger house, finishing grad school, save some money so we'd be able to focus on being parents. I still agree with our decision to wait a little bit bc it helped David and I form a strong union as husband and wife in the first 2 years of our marriage. Doctor said I would've had the same problems no matter when we started trying so that made me feel better. It has nothing to do with my age. I have issues with my tubes which blocks everything. I had an ectopic pregnancy and found out on September 13, 2005...absolutely, by far, the most horrible day/moment/experience in my life. I know a lot of people go through far worse, but for me, that was it. It was incredible to be pregnant for 7 weeks so I hold onto that feeling instead of 9/13. I've had the HSG (shoot dye thru my tubes) procedure 2 times and the laparoscopy surgery 2 times and they've found "cobwebs of scar tissue" surrounding my fallopian tubes; not allowing them to move like they need to inside of me.

We've met with 2 fertility specialist and they recommend IVF bc if we get pg naturally, we have a high risk of another ectopic which is dangerous for me. They don't recommend having the surgery again bc they've been in there 2x already and it hasn't done what it's supposed to as of yet. We've had A LOT of bloodwork done in preparation for IVF and I believe we'll discuss my exact medical protocol at the next meeting which should be in a day or two. I took a pg test this morning and it was - so I know we're not pg and going forward with this plan. I believe I'll be on birth control pills(BCP) for 1 month and then IVF will begin. BCP helps them to control my body/cycle and then the shots will start in January from what I can tell. I think we'll tell our family this weekend that we're going forward with this plan. I want to have the appt b4 we tell them, but not sure if that'll happen bc they come in town tonight!! My cousin Bridgid got pg with twins thru IVF and she's coming in town so I think it's perfect time to share the exciting news.

I have so many emotions about it. I'm scared, worried, excited, stressed, hopeful, nervous, consumed, in love, anxious, thirsty for info are just to name a few. I want to have this next appt so we can sound of the starting gun and say "ready, set, go" and do something! Sitting and waiting to take action can feel endless! I feel confident we're making the right decision. David has been a true Godsend throug ALL of this! He is my rock & my soft place to fall at the same time! Baby Hutcheson is so lucky to have him as a daddy one day! I'll post more as thoughts race through my mind! There are plenty!!