Sunday, December 10, 2006

Coping Skills...

A lot of people ask me how do we cope after going through something so stressful as infertility. You try to block it out, but it's always staring you down and I think it's a be happy or to be miserable despite what you're going through in life. I think that's true for the big barricades in your life as well as the little ones. Everyone has their "cross to bear" as David always says and you take life's challenges and try to squeeze every lesson out of it as possible....the lessons are endless. They are daily. They are there if you want to see them. We have learned SO much about life, ourselves, our faith, our love, our resiliency, our strength through all this and it's a blessing in disguise because we're coming out of this as stronger people and will be better parents because of it.

My friend Colleen asked me how we deal with this struggle and I wrote everything down I could think of as ways to "cope". When times are tough, live harder! These words comfort me when it's a hard day and maybe they'll help you if you're going through something right now where you feel an emptiness wanting to be filled. It could be anything, any worry, any fear, any struggle...anything! Maybe this'll help you too!

I think one thing I've learned about my faith through all this is it evolves and develops when faced with a struggle. I never had to dig deeper than I've ever had to in the last 3 years.

I've created somewhat of a strategy to fill the void....It's been tough. It sucks. It hurts. It hurts a lot. I stuff it. I pray. I dream. I wish. I hope. I envision. I envision David holding our baby. I envision a lot. I let go. I enjoy life. I exercise. I nap. I snuggle. I laugh a lot. I have fun. I enjoy freedom. I listen to music. I read. I fill up myself. I pray. I love. I love hard. I hold onto the feeling of elation we had being pg from 8/26/05-9/15/05. I lean on real friends. I lean on family. I lean on David. I lean on God. I need people. I let people in. I'm an open book. I'm vulnerable. I'm different. I'm calmer. Im peaceful. I'm stronger. I'm a better person for all of this. I break. I bounce back. I strengthen. I avoid drama. I avoid petty fights. I don't sweat the small stuff. I'm inspired by people. I have bad days. I have more better days. For that, I'm forever grateful bc I can pass that on to Baby Hutcheson(s) and that is where faith and the lessons come from.

I went through many stages starting with feeling victimized which is the hardest, most unproductive stage and I've finally come to acceptance and honored that He thinks we're strong enough to face this challenge. Whatever road we go down, we know we have so much support from our friends, family and from God!

It's fulfilling to know we'll be ok no matter what road we choose. The hardest part is not worrying. I try everything in my power NOT TO FAST FORWARD through all this and the movie "Click" really helped me understand the road there will be a blip on my screen of life, but strengthens me in the process to be there for someone else going through it ......and helps David and I hold on to each other just a little tighter everyday! I can feel the grip tightening as we go through this and I try to focus on that part. I also credit my family for raising me to prepare me for this challenge in life. I feel like my whole life they filled me up, they kept filling until they couldnt stop. They taught me everything they could and let me fly and I'm going to make them proud.

"Live, love, laugh"'s a basic concept, but powerful to relish in the rewards of doing it!! :)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Kel, you and David are amazing people and I can't wait to see what little angel God has in store for you two. You have everyone cheering you two on and we can't wait for 2007!!!
Love, Sam